


Cookie Thieves

by Cocobunny



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-15
Updated: 2012-04-15
Packaged: 2017-11-03 16:44:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/383660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cocobunny/pseuds/Cocobunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alfred has a sneaking suspicion about who's been stealing his cookies, and it's about time he caught them in the act.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cookie Thieves

Alfred had a sneaking suspicion that he knew who the culprits were. Dastardly things they were. Sneaking during odd hours in the day and taking a peek into the quickly emptying cookie jar. Not even a day had passed when Alfred had first made the fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies after lunch time, setting them out on the island to cool, only to come back minutes later to see that the plate had been depleted almost by half. 

The tell-tale cookie crumbs were the only evidence that someone had stuffed several cookies into their mouth before running off. That, and the refrigerator door was still partially open, the carton of milk shoved hurriedly back in place.

Really, now! Where were their manners nowadays? Those cookies were to be handed out after dinner, not during the day where all that sugar would more than likely ruin anyone’s appetite.

The boys were innocent, so they had told him when Alfred had confronted them in Master Jason’s room. The youngest Robin was nestled up against the headboard, reading a comic, looking as if he had never moved an inch from where he sat, and had given Alfred a look of pure confusion. Master Dick was no better. The first Robin had dropped the doe eyes on him, acting hurt, but Alfred wasn’t falling for any of it. He could still see the faint traces of milk and the smear of chocolate around their mouths.

Taking matters into his own hands, Alfred decided to catch the little thieves right in the act.

Reaching into a cabinet, he took out a peculiar blue police box, washing it thoroughly and drying it, he moved all of the cookies from the original jar to the their new home, closing the lid quietly and quickly disarming the alarm as he did so. He always considered himself a big fan of the show, and figured that one day the jar would have its uses. Now he was amused he had bought it on a whim off on eBay.

Placing the blue cookie jar in the middle of the counter, he wandered off to grab a duster. No sense in waiting and letting the house gather dust in the process.

Five minutes into dusting the grandfather clock, the bookshelves, the desk, the TV, the chairs, Alfred began to hear that unmistakable whirring noise from the kitchen. The sound echoing loudly throughout the mansion. Laying down the duster, he went straight to the kitchen, finding two rather startled Robins trying to quiet down the whirring alarm.

“Shut it off!”

“I don’t know how!” said Dick, looking at a loss as he tried to quiet the whirring jar down.

“My, my. Look at what I found,” Alfred began, watching the boys jump, quickly looking up at him, their faces full of guilt. “‘We had nothing to do with it,’ did we, Master Jason?”

His face coloring, Jason shrugged, looking down at the counter, having the decency to look ashamed of himself. “They’re your cookies, what did you expect, Alfred?”

“I expected you two to act like well-behaved young men. Honestly, whatever am I going to do with you?” Alfred shook his head.

“We’re awfully sorry,” Dick murmured, shifting his weight one from the next. “It’s just, they’re so good-“

“Yeah, and could you really blame us for not waiting till dinner? That’s like, hours away!” Jason intoned. “And my stomach was gonna eat itself if I didn’t get a cookie-“

“And the smell was just REALLY tempting and then the next thing we knew we were down here getting some-“

“Those cookies are a sin. They’re too good. How the heck do you expect us to stop after one bite-“

“Enough.” Alfred held up his hands, once the boys began to talk over each other, successfully getting them to stop in a second. Looking between them, he reminded himself that he needed to be firm when addressing them. They needed to be set straight, after all. “I am quite flattered that you two enjoy my baking so much, but there is a reason why I set the rule. If you can’t follow one, how can I, and god forbid, Master Bruce, be able to trust you two to follow the rest?”

At this, the boys’ shoulder hunched slightly. Jason scowled at the ground, while Dick looked absolutely shamefaced.

“We understand. We’re sorry,” Dick said, hanging his head down. Jason nodded in agreement, his hands shoved in his pockets.

Alfred softened as he looked at the two. They were only young boys after all. And really, when he paused to think, he couldn’t stay mad at them. His baking was the best, if he would say so.

“Come now, no need to look so glum.” He said, trying to get them to understand that he was no longer mad at them. “You’ve learned your lesson. That’s all that counts. Now, are there any cookies leftover?”

“No. Uh, we ate it all,” Jason replied sheepishly.

“Hmm, then I guess I shall just have to make a new batch.” He smiled at them. “Would you two care to help me this time?”

The message couldn’t have been any louder. Or as enthusiastic.

An hour later, with Jason and Dick fighting over who would consume the rest of the cookie dough, the chocolate chip cookies were baked in the oven, and now sat outside on the counter to cool off.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Alfred reprimanded softly, catching Jason’s hand sneaking to grab a piece. The young man, unruffled, only gave Alfred a lighthearted smirk in return, taking his hand back in his pocket.

“No cookies till after dinner?” Dick giggled beside Jason.

“You’re catching on.” Alfred smiled. After ushering the boys out, and placing the cookies in the cookie jar once they were cooled enough, Alfred went about his dusting.

Barely within twenty minutes though, Alfred heard the tell-tale whirring noise coming from the kitchen.

What on earth did he just tell those two? He thought they all had an understanding. Well, he was not going to go easy on them this time! No cookies for dinner, why, no cookies for the entire week! If the boys thought that Alfred was going to be merciful on them a second time, they had another thing coming for them. They were going to be in for a very big surprise, especially when he was going to relay this back to-

“Master Bruce!”

Bruce cringed, a cookie in his hand, the other trying to shut off the cookie jar, looking guilty back at Alfred. “I hope you don’t mind if I took just one…?” he smiled sheepishly.

Alfred groaned to himself.

Sometimes he wondered why he bothered.

**Author's Note:**

> For those Doctor Who fans reading this and wondering if what you think you just read is real, then yes. It's real. (Extreme vagueness at its best)


End file.
